Something's in life are meant to work out the right way and some aren't. I think this may be one of those things that isn't meant to work for me.
I seem to always be repeating myself but I miss my life, I miss my best friend, and I'm so over always being miserable and always feeling like I have something to prove. It's my life and i'll play it my way.
This is not for me. I don't want to always be lonely. I don't want to pine for the life I had. I just want it back. I want me poorly paying job with the shit hours and the Saturday shifts! I want my Friday and Saturdays at Paddies back. I want to just pretend I'm busy and stay at home with Pretty Little Bitch Girl.
But I don't really know if I can impose on the life she created without me. The life that her and the Pool God have built for themselves. But I can't stay here just to be miserable. I just think I need to do something for me. I need to make the decision for myself and not for someone else.
I don't want to be this person that feels sorry for them selves all the time. I want to be that person that feels sorry for other people because I am so comfortable in my own life and my skin.
Something will need to change soon because I don't want to live my life like this, I am NOT this person, I was never this person. What happened to me??
I so lonely. I'm surrounded by people but I am so so lonely. I miss our life. I miss who I used to be. But mostly I miss you. And honestly I just want it all back. I always say I don't do regrets. But this is one, and I don't want to go on in like always having this regret. Something needs to give, and I think for once I finally figured up what I need to do for me. Last time it was for something else, this time it's for me.
I think it's time to seriously consider going home, and home is where every you happen to be.
Lots of love
The chaple street princess
Xxx
